You look amazing, have you lost weight?

Compliements, we all love them.

I used to love hearing that statement, and on the face of it it seems really positive and upbeat.

I’ve lost weight and someone else has noticed!!!

But on the flip side… Is it helpful?

Or is it harmful?

You might be thinking, come on Ainzlie, how is a compliment harmful?

Logically it might not seem that it could be, but when I noticed that my weight loss would stop and my efforts were less than impressive after people complimented me I realised there was a connection.

I’m getting compliments, I can stop now.

If your motivation to lose weight is tied up in the opinions of others it’s easy to see why this happens.

 

you want positive feedback

you start to lose weight

you get positive feedback

you stop trying

 

This happened to me many times before I finally realised that deciding to lose weight for other people was meaningless.

 

I’m getting compliments, I can have a treat (or two, three, four)

This is a classic ‘food as a reward’ system. We’ve experienced it all our lives, and we do it with our children

Eat your dinner and you’ll get desert
Eat your veggies and you can have some chocolate
Behave on the train and I’ll buy you a cookie

We love a treat and usually we feel that we need it after begrudgingly doing something we dislike.

Like dieting.

 

I’m getting compliments, I can eat like ‘normal’ people again.

In my head I was eating diet foods and once my diet was over I would go back to eating “normally”.

Trouble is ‘normal’ for a teenager (in the early 2000’s) wasn’t a real whole foods diet. And the same is true for adults today.

No.

It’s Diet Coke
Chocolate from the vending machine
Sandwiches
Chips
Breakfast bars
Cereal
“Healthy free from” foods

These are normal foods found in most houses in the UK.

Yes you can buy fruit and vegetables but when you’re hungry and you’re sick of diet food you don’t reach for the apples, you reach for the sweeties.

 

 

There might be people reading this thinking, you’re crazy.

But I get the feeling I’m not the only one.

When your diet is based on

Other people’s opinions
Restriction and Rewarding
Eating unappetising diet foods that you dislike

You’re just waiting for some positive reinforcement so that you can reward yourself with something forbidden.

 

Ainzlie, this is so me. What do I do?

 

I’m getting compliments – I can stop now

There is nothing wrong with wanting positive feedback from others on how you look.

If your reason for losing weight is;

“I want to look better so I can get a boyfriend/girlfriend/more sex”

^^^ that is totally fine.

But I encourage you to look deeper.

Other people finding you attractive is great, but no matter how amazing you think you look there will always be someone somewhere who prefers something different.

 

Take your focus away from other people’s opinions and look at the benefits for YOU.

 

Eating better food means you’ll feel better
You’ll have more energy
Clearer skin
Better sleep
Better posture
Improved strength

 

All of these things will help you feel sexier regardless of how other people feel.

Make these changes about how you feel inside and take yourself away from the comments of others.

 

I’m getting compliments, I can have a treat.

I’ve mentioned before about abstainers and moderators and how some people do better to avoid things while others can dip in and out without binging. But both categories of people can fall into this position.

 

This point is about making sure you are changing your diet for the right reasons.

 

For example;

If you choose to abstain from sugar that’s great, but if your motivation is to do it for self righteous reasons…

“I don’t eat sugar, I’m super healthy and better than you”

then you’re more likely to reward yourself with a nice big binge than if you took on this task for more substantial reasons.

“I don’t eat sugar cos it makes me feel shit”

^^^ you’re a lot less likely to ‘reward’ yourself with it when someone comments.

 

I’m not saying don’t give up sugar, try it and after the first week you’ll feel much better.

But just be on the look out for that rewarding behaviour when people comment about how disciplined you are.

 

 

I’m getting compliments, I can eat like a normal person again.

Here’s the thing.

There are more obese and overweight people in the UK than those of average or underweight status. What is considered ‘normal’ eating is getting us nowhere.

Normal is not necessarily healthy.

 

Diet Coke is not healthy.

Chocolate from the vending machine is not healthy.

Sandwiches are not healthy <<<< sorry, but they’re not.

Chips – unless home made…not healthy

Breakfast bars – definitely not healthy

Cereal – see above!

“Healthy free from” foods – whole foods are usually ‘free from’ so packaged ones – not healthy.

 

Does this mean you can’t eat them?

Course you can eat them.

It’s a free country.

 

But don’t believe that you can switch to a whole foods diet, receive all the benefits and then switch back and continue at the same level of health – it won’t work.

 

If you find that you keep ‘falling off the wagon’ the reason might lie in your reaction to an innocent compliment from someone.

Ultimately the secret to long term success is finding your inner motivation, find that and you’re golden.

 

Ainzlie Xx

 

p.s – need help finding that inner motivation? Just ask for help…