Having a bad day? This might help.
How to be a bad ass – techniques for when things suck.
Long story short I found myself in a frustrating encounter this morning, not at work, where I was left feeling irate, disappointed, frustrated and emotional.
Cut to me being left with this negative outlook and wondering why the hell I bothered in the first place.
Not what I wanted.
Now, I for one refuse to be in a bad mood for too long over someone else’s behaviour. But how do you overcome a situation like this?
Let yourself feel it.
When something happens to you, as opposed to something happening that involves you, it can make you feel out of control.
For example, a decision about your life, your job or your pay that is made without your input.
An event that leaves you having to “deal” with something that you hadn’t planned to have to deal with.
Your instinct might be to get angry but then force yourself to ignore it because when we ignore things they don’t upset us as much. At least that’s the theory.
Yes, you can ignore how that comment made you feel.
Yes, you can ignore how unappreciated you are at your work.
Yes, you can try to forget something to avoid feeling the anger/fear/embarrassment
But this post isn’t about how to ignore problems to feel better.
No.
Ignore it and it lasts longer.
So embrace it.
Has someone upset you? Feel upset – there is no shame in being upset.
Has someone angered you? Be angry. It’s ok.
As new-agey as this might sound, give that feeling the recognition that it deserves.
Feel it. Really feel it.
Talk it out.
Things always seem worse in your head.
And when the thoughts in your head are joined by your inner monologue it gets even louder in your head.
Too many thoughts. Brain is too busy. Not enough space.
Sound familiar?
Talk it out.
I volunteered with Samaritans for 3 years and have spoken to hundreds of people during times of desperation, anger, fear, depression, anxiety and not once did they feel worse after talking it through.
Whoever you talk to, a friend, a co-worker, family member, or a stranger – vocalising what you mean can help you to process everything.
Focus on what you can do.
This is vital. We often focus on what’s going wrong, what’s not working, what is getting in the way. Focusing on that one thing that if it was only different would change everything completely.
Let me ask you, has this approach ever worked for you?
Yes, things might be bad.
Lets be blunt, things might be utter shit.
And it’s ok to say that. It’s ok to flat out admit “Things are shit”.
But then what?
You make them better. And you make them better by focusing on what’s going right.
What makes you smile everyday – even for a second?
Who can you rely on to help you out – there’s always someone, even if they’re not immediately obvious.
What ARE you in control of?
What decisions CAN you make?
Let me be clear, I don’t mean dismissing your negative feelings by thinking of all the positives.
That’s the patronising mentality of
“Yeah you’re sad, but you have a job/partner/family/your health so stop complaining”
^^^ not helpful.
Your negative feelings and fears are important, you should feel them, you should express them and you should own them.
THEN balance that with what’s going well.
which looks more like:
“Yes you’re sad and thats ok, things are difficult and that is hard. So what is in your control and can you work on that?”
See the difference?
In conclusion
Bad days happen.
Bad events happen.
Bad people happen.
We might feel sad or angry or worried but you are always in control of something.
You always have a choice.
You can choose to have a shit day and ignore the world.
OR
You can choose to be angry then talk it through, get back in control and get on with being a bad ass no matter what.
Afterall, this is YOUR day. And that one interaction with someone who has annoyed you lasts for a short amount of time.
How you feel for the rest of the day is UP TO YOU.
So get up, dust yourself off and be a bad ass – today and every other day.
Ainzlie “bad ass” McMaster
