Three years ago today I went to visit my boyfriend in hospital after his double transplant.

It’s by far the biggest thing we’ve both faced in our relationship. And it’s the biggest challenge I faced that wasn’t my own.

Yet we learn the best lessons during times of stress…

Its a waiting game.

We heard this phrase so often during his journey from kidney failure to post transplant.

Just wait.
Wait.
The call will come for the transplant.
Just wait.

Nothing teaches you to be patient more than being put in a situation and being told you have no option but to wait it out.

You can’t bargain, you can’t speed the process up, you can’t ignore it.

 

Learning patience is by far the best thing you can do for your physical and mental health.

You learn to be present in your situation and accept it for what it is.

Accepting your situation doesn’t mean you need to be happy about it. For example I was never happy that I was overweight but accepting it made it easier to change.

 

 

You always have a choice.

 

I remember reading an NHS leaflet at the time about dialysis. Explaining what it was etc.

It can be summed up in the following paragraph:

 

Kidney failure -> dialysis -> transplant.

or death.

Pick one.

 

I appreciate the bluntness of this approach. Even in the face of a serious health condition you have a choice.

We often forget this, we get so wrapped up in what we should do, what other people want us to do that we forget about the options we have.

You might not like the options, but you always get to choose.

Choose life.

 

 

Yes, No, Maybe

Life is so much simpler if you take out the “ifs and buts”. These complicate matters.

When it’s a “Yes, No or Maybe” you can see things better.

For example:

 

“Can I deal with this situation?”

Yes – Great.

No – Ok, how can I make it easier?

Maybe – Why maybe? (go through the process again)

 

This makes our choices easier. They don’t need to be clouded with other peoples judgements or expectations. Make the best choice for you.

 

Accept support.

Always ask for help. Never voluntarily do anything alone.

When your answer to the “Yes, No, Maybe” is a No one of the best things you can do is reach out.

Many a tearful phone call ended in laughter when I reached out to friends and family. Sometimes all you need is someone to tell you that everything will be fine, and suddenly it is.

Whatever support you’re needing

whether it’s someone to talk to
someone to guide you or
someone to hold your hand, use that help.

 

Health really IS more important.

And I’m not talking about green smoothies and abs here. I’m talking much deeper than that.

Deeper than the arguments over low carb vs low fat
Deeper than fat vs thin
Deeper than the superficial bullshit that plagues our minds

 

Does your body work?
Are you alive?
Can you function day to day without any help?

And have you stopped to consider these things before?

 

Ok you might be overweight, ok you might not have abs and yes it might bother you that your stomach hangs over your jeans a bit.

And that’s fine because those are the little things. And little things are easy.

Little things are easy when you have patience,

when you make good choices

when you ask for support

and when you learn to accept that the body you have is strong and capable. 

 

The lesson I never thought I would learn during this time is something that I remind myself of frequently:

Weight loss is no longer the most important thing in my life and it never should have been.

Ainzlie xx

 

p.s – I can never be more grateful to the person who donated their organs and saved my boyfriends life. Please consider registering on the Organ Donor register, it takes 2 minutes.