Why I ditched clean eating

Full disclosure here before we start, I’ve never pretended that because of my job I’m above everyone else when it comes to issues with food and issues with my body.

Perhaps because of my job people assume that I don’t struggle with any of it, but I do. I’ve never wanted to talk about it before now but I think it’s actually important to draw attention to the fact that food can controls us all.

Regardless of who we are.

Why I ditched low carb, bulletproof and clean eating

I’ve never had a good relationship with food, which is why I got as big as I did initially.

Whether I realised it unconsciously or not I’ve spent my life surrounding myself with restriction when it comes to food.

I got into this line of work because I wanted to be thin, that is literally it. Thankfully I’ve found my true passion along the way and had I not been overweight to begin with I might now be wandering the world with no idea what my purpose is.

^^^deep right?

I am so aware of the issues that people have with food, especially women, and each day I read blogs, research and listen to podcasts about nutrition, health and the pursuit of the happiness (yes, USA, that IS the correct spelling).

I do this to give my clients the best help and support
Now, my clients are successful in their weight loss attempts.
Steady, regular, safe weight loss while eating foods they love

As it turns out, when it comes to other people, I know exactly how to coach you. I know how to help. You will see results. No problem.

But when it comes to helping myself…? Not so laid back. It’s restriction central.

I started the year thinking that I didn’t look thin enough to be a good instructor, so things had to change. This was my year to ‘get thin’. This was the problem, this decision came from a place of panic.
I could do this myself, I knew what to do, I knew the best places to seek information.

So what do you do when you’re in a rush to lose weight and you have all the knowledge?

You skip weight watchers and Herbalife, you don’t even consider slim fast, you go straight to the current diet trends promoted by the health gurus of the podcast and Instagram world.

Firstly, low carb & keto.

I did enjoy it, I ate loads of veg and that was great. And I know that it works because I have seen it work. It’s works well for one of my male clients even. But it’s not for me. Firstly, I’m a fertile woman and secondly I’m extremely active. When I did anything that required any energy, like my job, I flagged.

“Keep calm and keto on though, right?”

I waited and waited for the ‘fat adaptation’ and it never happened.

What did happen was that I gained fat round my stomach, despite no weight gain
I stopped sleeping properly
Heart rate was always high
Blood pressure raised
I was never hungry (as it turns out, this is not good)

This is a stress response, time to ditch the low carb.

Move to bulletproof.

I like Dave, I listen to his podcasts, he seems cool. He’s a geeky guy, and I’m a big fan of geeky guys. I like butter and his coffee tastes nice. But for me, this was another reason to be restrictive.

Keto for a few days then a carb up, but avoiding any foods that lead to a drop in optimum performance.

No weight loss.
Heartburn after the coffee.
Raised heart rate (even when eliminating the mct oil)
Still tired.
Low carb on any day of the week is obviously not good for my optimum performance.

Clean eating then.

No sugar
No grains
No dairy
No vegetable oils
No processed foods
No packaged foods
No alcohol
No chocolate

Talk about restriction!

Now, I don’t have the problem with restriction that most people talk about. People will tell you that if you restrict something, one day you’ll, binge on all of the things, which has never happened to me.

My problem is that I convinced myself that I needed this restriction in order to make healthy choices for my body. Because surely, if I gave myself free reign I’d eat everything and be fat again.

That’s what everyone says.

The advocates for clean eating tell us that we should eat fat and meat and vegetables and avoid commercial diets because diets are ‘too restrictive’ Clean eating is simple and you won’t binge on meat and cheese cos there’s not a sudden insulin spike and it’s not an addictive food.

You don’t even feel hunger with a high fat, protein filled diet. Excellent. No gnawing hunger in your stomach. One less thing to tempt you to the sugary dark side.

And so we need these parameters to keep ourselves in check because we can’t be trusted, one bite of sugar and we are HELPLESS.

I’m gonna tell you now, I’m not helpless. In any situation.

How to end the cycle

I realised that, just as my clients needed me to make sense of their diets, I needed help to sort this out.
I went to therapy for a couple of sessions and talked this through.

I restrict food when I feel out of control
I go through phases of thinking ‘screw it’ straight to ‘right, I’ve decided, clean eating everyday’

I make these choices in a split second.
I make these choices because it’s comfortable, I fall back onto this way of thinking, eating and acting because it is habit.

And, unlike my clients, I have no one to keep me accountable, no one to slow me down and help me to realise what situations I need help with.

So I now have techniques to help with the stress, techniques to pay more attention to what my body needs.

Going forward I gave myself permission to eat anything
I’ll eat whatever I feel like eating.
Whenever I feel like eating.

I’ve eaten toast. (Gluten free as gluten is still non negotiable)
Sugar.
Chocolate.
Cheese.
Hot chocolate.
I’ve had alcohol!

Did I binge? Nope.

I even ate sugar and wasn’t hungry for a few hours afterwards, even though I ate it thinking “this will not fill me up.”

I gave myself permission to eat food without the guilt, without the restriction and the world didn’t end.

Over the Christmas period, I’ve lost 3lbs.

But, for once this isn’t about weight loss.

This is about taking the pressure off myself.

I stood in front of the mirror yesterday and actually said out loud “I’m not fat” and I meant it. Cos I’m not.

The best thing I have done for myself was reaching out to get help.

Getting help to put my thoughts together and realising that how I see myself is so much more important than how others see me.

Everyone has a different history of food
A different relationship with food
Different cultural and social influences.

If this post is about anything it’s about the fact that we all need support to make changes.

And if you’re sitting here thinking about all the restriction that starts tomorrow please stop and ask yourself why.

Cos no one wants to be eating a boring restrictive diet
No one wants the food to be in charge

If you want to change your weight and your perception of yourself REACH OUT

Get personalised help.
Ditch the popular diets and spend that money on someone who can help YOU
Find someone who you can talk to, someone who can help you sort through the shit and find out what works.

Because once you find this freedom, there is nothing better.

Ainzlie “in control” McMaster

P.s I am taking on new clients for January but the diary is getting full, so if this sounds like you too, get in touch today, let’s change your life together.